Have I messed up with my life?
I have completely messed up my life and there is no turning back.
Today morning I even attempted to hurt myself!
Neither personally nor professionally I am doing good.
I fell for a guy in the month of October and within two months we became very close.
Sex was all that was left.
I was not into any relationship with him.
We became close and then it happened.
After which he left me saying he was always in love with someone else.
I cried, wailed, but to not avail.
Then I decided to move on.
In January, I again met a guy.
Let’s make him A.
I did not know him.
We met in office and became fast friends.
In a week, I moved in to his place as at that point of time I was looking for an accommodation.
I literally stayed with him for 2 days.
Other than that we would spend hours together in office and then in his Flat.
He would just keep holding me on his arms and we would cuddle.
This has been going on for the past 4 months.
We were never in a relationship .
I tried going away from him.
However, every single time he pulled me back.
I often tried reasoning that we should keep things simple.
But it never worked out as after every fight we always get back together.
Two days ago, I told him honestly about my feelings & the fact that I have fallen for him.
His response left me shocked.
Also , please note in this timespan we have becoming close ( extremely physical but not sex).
Now after spending so much of time in his bed and everything, when I finally told him about my feelings and that I am way too attached to him, he started giving his reasons that things can never work out between us and the reason being is that our age difference ( I am 25, he is about to turn 30) and his expectations in life is very much different.
He is an emotionless person and also he is the type of guy I would not like to be with( he clearly refused me).
Can you tell what is wrong with me? Why are guys treating me like this? I am a decent looking girl.
Is it because I let them come way to close to me, emotionally as well as physically or something is wrong with me.
This is the second time this happened.
However, I am not able to deal with this.
Coz I had expectations from A.
I tried torturing myself to an extent that I did cut my palm today.
Just to remind me of the mistakes I have made.
And you would not believe.
From his end, there has been no response.
Like he has turned a blind eye towards me since the time I told him that I have become attached to him.
He has not even bothered to ask me how I am or anything.
Though I sit just a desk away from him.
When I told him to stay away from me, he merely responded saying that if this is what I want, so be it.
Not a word more or less!
How do I come out of this?
Please someone help me!
It looks like you're a year older than me so I get where you are coming from.
I just to let you know that you haven't even started your job yet you are scared of what is going to happen next.
Just calm down and settle into your job and in a year or two, you'll probably get promoted and get more money depending on what the work you've produced and what interests you.
The finding a partner thing can be important in a couple of years when you are making a decent amount of salary, but having that communication with women that's about their personalities and not objectifying them is really important which will make you realize what kind of woman you want in your life.
Also, I like how you are dreaming big and you want to be this top position of a company, but you need to backtrack a bit and focus on the next year and improve yourself year by year which you know so that you can match that top position in mostly likely 10 years.
If you want to do an MBA, I suggest you wait a couple of years just for experience in the field you are in and most likely, you are probably going to change your views on what you want to do in 3–4 years.
I get you don't know what you want to do, but that's where waiting a couple of years will help you with that position.
I don't know if your Indian parents are forcing you to get a Masters of the bat, but explain that you don't know what you want to get a masters in and you want a couple of years of experience in your job for now.
Your life is not even close to being messed up.
It's just beginning.
We all have.
But that's okay.
We mess up yearly when we don't make our "five year goals".
We mess up monthly when we don't live up to the new "resolution".
We mess up weekly when we go to that same job we hate so much rather than dropping everything and following our dreams.
We mess up daily when our children, friends, family, or strangers who need a helping hand look to us for answers or help and we have none.
We mess up hourly when we could be planning to not mess up the year.
We mess up by the minute when we choose to do something other than not mess up.
It's nothing but mess ups followed by, hopefully, millions of opportunities (minutes, hours, days, months, years) to not mess up.
If you mean that you made mistakes, then yes, definitely.
Everyone makes mistakes.
That is why life is so wonderful!
We learn from these mistakes and everyone is amazing and great because we grow from them all.
Without the ability to grow life would be immensely boring.
Perfection means death because there is no room to improve.
But, if you mean it like you screwed up your life to the point of no return, that you cannot fix it anymore, then my answer is: No.
Everyone screws up at some point.
It just happens.
Things do not go as planned because we cannot predict the future.
But that does not mean it isn't fixable.
Everything can be fixed.
Usually just in a different way than we expect.
Let's use a breakup as an example.
Most people think the fix to this is to get back together and find a way to love each other again.
But the problem is not that the people are now apart, it is that they are both unhappy.
So the fix might actually be to go on a vacation or to have another big fight.
Because that may solve the issue, leading it to be fixed.
Overall, the answer depends on what is meant in the question.
But I hope it was one of my two interpretations ;)